Ever found yourselves a bit flummoxed by all the “shoulds” and “must-haves” of wedding planning? Perhaps you’re staring down the barrel of traditions that don’t quite sit right, or feeling the pressure to conform to expectations. As a wedding celebrant of hundreds of ceremonies I can tell you it’s a common problem!
While many wedding traditions have genuinely lovely historical or cultural roots, offering a sense of connection to the past, there can be a real tug-of-war between honouring these and wanting a wedding day that feels utterly you. This modern wedding guide is here to help you navigate that very situation. We’ll explore how to thoughtfully consider wedding traditions, decide what chimes with you as a couple, and get creative with adapting or even ditching those that don’t.
Origins of common wedding traditions
To make truly informed decisions about which traditions to embrace (or not!), it’s helpful to have a little peek into where they actually came from. Let’s have a look at the backstories of a few well-known customs:
White wedding dress: this iconic symbol actually gained popularity thanks to Queen Victoria, signifying wealth and status rather than purity in its early days. Its meaning has certainly evolved over time.
Giving away of the bride: historically, this practice represented the transfer of a woman from her father’s ownership to her husband’s. Thankfully, modern interpretations often frame it as a symbol of familial support and blessing.
Exchanging of rings: this tradition has ancient roots, symbolising an eternal bond and commitment between two people. The circular shape represents never-ending love.
Bouquet toss/garter toss: this is thought to have originated from a desire to ward off eager guests from tearing pieces of the bride’s clothing for good luck.
Throwing rice or confetti: this ancient custom, common across many cultures, was originally about showering the newlyweds with symbols of fertility and prosperity. In Ancient Rome, broken barley bread was thrown over the bride’s head for good fortune. Over time, this evolved to throwing grains like rice, or later, sweets (like sugared almonds, the origin of “confetti” in Italy), all with the hope of blessing the couple with abundance, particularly children. The shift to paper confetti in more modern times retained the celebratory gesture while becoming less messy.
Red envelopes: in Chinese culture, the symbolism of prosperity and abundance is highly valued, often seen in the generous gifts of red envelopes (hongbao) filled with money given by guests.
Understanding these origins empowers you to make choices that align with your values. When you know the historical context, you can better decide if the original meaning still resonates with your relationship. It’s worth pondering whether these old reasons still hold water for your modern romance.
Merits of keeping traditions when they feel right
It’s not all about chucking traditions out the window! There are some genuinely lovely reasons to keep certain customs:
Connecting with family and heritage: traditions can be a beautiful way to honour your elders and cultural backgrounds, creating a sense of continuity and belonging.
A feeling of shared experience: some traditions offer a comforting sense of familiarity for your guests, creating a shared experience and fond memories.
Genuine symbolic significance: When a tradition truly reflects your shared values and the essence of your relationship, embracing it can add profound meaning to your day.
The best part is, you can often put your own spin on things. Consider ways to keep traditions whilst still injecting your personality:
- Using a cherished family heirloom as your “something old”\
- Having a parent walk you down the aisle as a symbol of their love and support, rather than a transfer of ownership
- Writing your own heartfelt vows to exchange during the traditional ring ceremony.
When it’s absolutely fine to ditch traditions guilt free
Now, let’s talk about when it’s perfectly acceptable – even encouraged – to wave goodbye to certain traditions:
A lack of personal connection: if a tradition feels forced, inauthentic, or simply doesn’t resonate with you as a couple, there’s no obligation to partake.
Discomfort or offence: traditions that feel outdated, potentially sexist, or exclude individuals important to you should absolutely be reconsidered.
Practical considerations: if certain traditions add unnecessary stress, logistical nightmares, or financial strain, it’s perfectly sensible to forgo them.
A desire for a truly unique celebration: if your priority is to create a wedding that screams “you” in every way, then stepping away from convention is a fantastic approach.
Remember, it is your wedding day. Your choices should reflect your values and desires. If family expectations are a factor, open and honest communication is key. Explain your reasoning with love and respect, and most people will understand your wish to create a day that truly represents you.
The art of personalisation
This is where the real fun begins! Think creatively about how you can adapt and reimagine traditions to better suit your style:
Reinventing the aisle walk: consider walking down the aisle together, having both parents escort you, or having your children lead the way.
Modern unity rituals: move beyond the traditional candle lighting with ideas like a handfasting ceremony, blending different coloured sands, or even planting a small tree together.
Personalised promises: the power of writing your own vows cannot be overstated – it’s a chance to express your unique commitment in your own words.
Rethinking the first dance: perhaps a group dance with all your guests, a “first song” you simply enjoy together on the dance floor, or even skipping it entirely if dancing isn’t your thing.
Creative send offs: instead of the usual confetti, consider a sparkler exit, releasing biodegradable lanterns, or a final dance with your closest loved ones.
The key is to think outside the box and incorporate elements that hold genuine meaning for your relationship and your shared story.
Your wedding celebrant’s role in navigating traditions
As your wedding celebrant, I’m here to guide you through these very discussions. I can offer suggestions, provide insights into different cultural customs, and help you craft a ceremony that beautifully balances tradition with your own unique vision. Think of me as your partner in creating a ceremony that feels authentic and meaningful to you both.
Ultimately, the journey of planning your wedding should be one of joyful creation, not one of rigid adherence to rules. We encourage you to approach your wedding traditions with intention and thoughtfulness. Understand their origins, consider their relevance to your relationship, and don’t be afraid to keep, toss, or – best of all – personalise them to reflect your unique love story. Your wedding day should be a genuine celebration of who you are as a couple. So, embrace the traditions that resonate, respectfully decline those that don’t, and most importantly, create a day that is truly, wonderfully yours!
I’m Mandi-Forrester Jones a Brisbane marriage celebrant known for my fun, light-hearted, and engaging approach to weddings. If you’re looking for a marriage celebrant who will work closely with you to create a ceremony that reflects your uniqueness and personality contact me. It’s never too early to start planning.
